Energy Department Warns: Pumpkins Cause Global Warming

These days, everything is racist, and everything causes global warming. Next time someone balks at the idea of getting rid of the Department of Energy, just remind them that this federal agency actually believes that pumpkins are behind global warming. Or maybe it’s just 97% of the department that believe it. Either way, whenever you have 97% of a group that believe something or claim that they believe it – no matter how miniscule the group is – that means that it must be true whatever it Read more […]

Halloween: The BEST Time to Offend the Culture Warriors!

It’s that time of year, folks. Halloween is upon us, and already I can feel the hot breath of indignant culture warriors on the back of my neck. The weeks leading up to Halloween are a treat for me. I like to watch the culture warriors strap on their jackboots, and tell us what we’re allowed to wear, and what’s prohibited–for feelings are delicate this time of year. But whose feelings? The culture warriors are a special kind of people who live in a world in which rage is rocket fuel, and being Read more […]

A Liberal’s View Of Last Night’s Trick-Or-Treating

Everything about All Hallow’s Eve last night was just so offensive. Aside from the costumes, which I’ll lay into in a minute, there was my conservatard tea bagger terrorist racist neighbor. Do you know what he did? He put out a bowl of candy on his front steps with a sign next to it that read, “Take 2 pieces. Then give 1 piece to a lazy friend who stayed home tonight. Someone else deserves the benefits of your hard work! Consider it a tax and thank a Democrat.” Can you believe the nerve?! Read more […]

The Clintonian Halloween Candy Nazi of Fargo

Fargo, North Dakota—land of funny accents, hapless husbands’ disastrously staged kidnappings, and Halloween candy Nazis. “Happy Halloween and Happy Holidays Neighbor!” opens the letter written by a Fargo woman going by the name Cheryl. Cheryl plans on handing out copies of this letter to trick-or-treaters she judges to be fat. Right off the bat you can tell she’s a liberal because she threw in “Happy Holidays,” even though it’s only Halloween. She doesn’t want to offend the Wiccan children, Read more […]

Trayvon Martin Controversy: Halloween Edition

A young woman on Facebook posted a picture of her posing with her two friends, the three of them donning their Halloween costumes. Her two friends’ costumes, a collaborative effort, caused a controversy on some social-media sites. Friend 1 appears to be of Hispanic descent and his costume consists simply of a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with the words “NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH” printed in white letters on the front. Know where this is going? Friend 2’s costume is a pair of jeans, a gray hooded Read more […]

Offended By Halloween Costumes? Grow Up!

Colleges around the country are telling their customers, sometimes referred to as students, not to dress up for Halloween as anything that could possibly be deemed offensive. The University of Colorado at Boulder instructs their students not to dress up as “white trash” or anything hyper-sexual. Presumably slutty NASCAR chicks are a double no-no. Also, no ghetto or crime-associated themes at Halloween parties, a redundant distinction. “Making the choice to dress up as someone from another Read more […]

My Small Victory for a Middle Class American Family

I think we all know that money is tight for just about every middle class American family these days. When faced with an Obama economy, tighter budgets and increasing costs, middle-America has to find creative ways to “make do” as my family proved this past weekend. As Halloween approaches neighborhoods across America are breaking out festive decorations and adorning their homes with all manner of scary paraphernalia. Competitions of sorts have driven some families to spend money they don’t Read more […]