State Of The Union: Completely Ridiculous

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the State of the Union address as “the largest congregation of American criminals all gathered in one room to watch Barack Obama, our first woman president, put sugar on sh#%.” The language is a surprise, but look it up for yourself.

Okay, fine, it’s not in the OED, but the editors of that dictionary are all old white men, so what do they know?

Here are some of the moments in President Obama’s speech that stood out to me:

“Get those bills to my desk.” Obama said this in reference to some legislation that he claims would create more jobs. But why should Congress get those bills to his desk? Obama can just act unilaterally, without Congress, can’t he? Obama even said so himself earlier on: “America does not stand still, and neither do I. So wherever and whenever I can take steps without legislation to expand opportunity for more American families, that’s what I’m gonna do.” Congress isn’t needed any longer.

He credited Michelle Obama for helping to bring down childhood obesity rates for the first time in 30 years, which I’ll let stand as its own punch line.

He told an Obamacare success story that toootally negated the vastly and overwhelmingly larger portion of Americans who got screwed by Obamacare. (The applause line in this segment of the speech actually inspired a black congresswoman to “raise the roof” with one hand. My word, lady, are you serious?)

I’ll give Obama credit for bravery in bringing up the topic of global warming while we’re in the midst of the coldest month in 100 years. That took guts. He even enthusiastically proclaimed the motto of the eco-fascists, “The science is settled!” Yeah, 97 percent of scientists agree that climate change is real, right? That 97 percent actually amounts to 75 climatologists. Seventy-five thousand? No, 75.

No SOTU address is complete without repeating the “women make 77 cents for every dollar a man earns” urban legend, which Obama did to seal-like applause from the entire room, even the panderous Republicans.

On the hot topic of the minimum wage, Obama said, “In the year since I asked this Congress to raise minimum wage, five states have passed laws to raise theirs.” He spoke it as if this fact were a success of his own. But states do their own legislating. And to emphasize how warm and fuzzy it feels to pay employees more money, he told the story of a pizza-shop owner who raised his employees’ wages to $10 an hour. That’s all fine and well if he can both afford it and desires to do so.

Obama also said he’ll sign an executive order (of course) to raise the minimum wage for federal contractors to the arbitrarily arrived-at rate of $10.10. “Give America a raise,” he said to the congress members. Tell that to my boss at the mom-and-pop bookstore. Ten dollars is more than even he makes there. If he had to pay $10.10 to all his employees (all five of them), we’d be out of business within a year. That might teach my Obama-loving manager a good lesson about the liberalism he supports.

“Citizenship means standing up for everyone’s right to vote,” Obama also said at one point. No, citizenship means being taxed equally and to death. Also, citizenship means being, you know, a citizen, not one who smuggled himself over the border.

Speaking of Iran, Obama said, “If John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan could negotiate with the Soviet Union, then surely a strong and confident America can negotiate with less-powerful adversaries today.” He’s comparing apples and bananas. JFK and Reagan were presidents, and they negotiated with the USSR. Therefore, to make an apt parallelism, Obama should have said, “Then surely I can negotiate,” not “America can negotiate.” He is the president, as were the two men he mentioned; “America” (our government) is not the president. He pushes the responsibility of negotiation onto the rest of the government and exempts himself from what he says JFK and Reagan had to do.

And my final observation: Earlier on in the speech, Obama said, “It is you, our citizens, that make the state of our union strong.” Well, if that’s true, and if the state of our union is any indicator, evidently we’re failing horribly at that task.