Sequestration to Destroy All Life on Earth, Dampen Consumer Confidence

Fox News reports that Democratic Congresswoman Maxine Waters said 170 million jobs will be lost due to the sequestration. That means she believes that more than one out of every two persons living in America, regardless of age, are currently employed. Hmm. Say hello for me to the unicorns who romp through caramel forests where you live, Madame Congresswoman.

But now the US Geologic Survey has come out and declared that the planet Earth will split in half if the sequestration lasts more than a day. It is widely thought within the Beltway that the GOP will take the brunt of public blame when this happens.

The Department of Health and Human Services has come up with a helpful metaphor to demonstrate the catastrophe that will result from the radical 0.3% cuts (actually, reductions in the increase.) It would be the equivalent of a 200 lb. man finishing a Gut Bomb Del Grande Deluxe Value King Size Meal from the Burrito Barn, and then stealing three curly fries from his daughter’s plate when she’s not looking. But see, he intended to steal four. As you can clearly see, this will result in sudden and almost instant emaciation, of the concentration-camp variety, and the man will die within the week. (Most people, by the way, agree that Republicans in Congress are to blame for big, fat guys who get instantly skinny and die like that. And also for people who smell bad, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Meanwhile, sequestration has become a hot betting topic in Las Vegas, as odds-makers hope to cash in on the rich opportunities the situation presents. The current line has it at 3-5 odds that John Boehner will cave less than a day into sequestration. 2-1 odds in favor of a public cry. 4-1 in favor of his peeing on himself during the cry. 8-1 in favor of his later claiming that he peed himself in order to discourage a rape.

LATE BREAKING EDIT: President Obama has just announced that due to sequestration he will be forced to fire all the members of his administration with ties to the Muslim Brotherhood. Okay, you got me: I’m just joking about that.

All kidding aside, the only thing that still baffles me about the Federal government these days is that regular folk keep letting them get away with it. People still watch the MSM and read the old guard newspapers….well, some do. Call me a dreamer, but I think the day is coming when we won’t let them get away with it any more.  That’s my serious prayer anyway. No kidding.

Christian patriots, arm yourself with facts, so that you can take a strong and righteous stand against government idiocy and evil. Today and tomorrow, Kindle readers can download this free article: Fetters of Iron: Biblical Limits on Civil Government.