Obama Takes Preemptive Strike On Future Scandals

Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results not attributes.” – Peter Drucker

What president has not been at the wrong end of a scandal or two in his tenure as leader of the free world? How many times was president Bush accused of misdeeds, or wrongdoing? The key when dealing with scandals is to ensure that the American people know you are doing everything you can to resolve the situation. As we have learned from our president, this can only be accomplished through numerous TelePrompter speeches, and with resignations of employees who were about to retire from their positions anyway.

Yet another scandal has rocked the Obama administration, and much like the IRS scandal, Obama only found out about it through the media. This new scandal involves delayed care, and extremely poor conditions at the VA. According to White House Chief of Staff Denis McDonough, the president is “madder than hell” about the situation. Additionally, the resignation of the already slated to retire Dr. Robert Petzel is forthcoming. What a leader!

Now that that sandal is out of the way, the Obama administration is looking forward. Because the administration has been so bogged down by the seemingly endless scandals–which some believe were likely invented by the Republicans—Obama has decided to take executive action. In order to free up more time, the president has promised to become angry, tell us all that he’s angry, and then force a near-retiree to resign for all future scandals. The effort is being hailed by the press as “innovative,” “daring,” and “incredibly nuanced.”

According to Grant Dustin of the New York Times: “President Obama has truly changed the game in terms of how to deal with scandals. If he can do this, what can’t he do?”

Robert Lucia of The Washington Post praised the president, writing: “A preemptive strike on scandal? Obama has cemented himself as the most forward thinking and gifted president in modern history.”

Finally, Jackie Lowman of the Los Angeles Times wrote: “Move over, Lincoln! Obama may have just given you a run for your money!”

A press release from the office of the president was released on Monday, and it reads a bit like Mad Libs:

I am truly angry regarding the (insert scandal here), and I won’t rest until we complete a thorough investigation. I have been given a great responsibility by the American people to carefully manage the (insert institution here), and I will not allow this to happen again. (insert nearly retired male or female here) will be resigning from their position as (insert job title here), effective immediately.”

This is absolutely groundbreaking. At this point, I can only hope he changes the law to allow himself to run for a third term. No more scandals! Obama can now use this momentum to continue his outrageously successful second term without having to carve out precious time to address the entire nation whenever a little scandal pops us. We will continue to update you as this story develops.

Yes we can!