No Smart Person: “Jeb Bush for 2016!”

I am a conservative, not a Republican. This is why I feel comfortable in saying that Republican strategists are idiots. They might as well be working for the Democrats.

Ask any Democrat who he wants the Republican Party to put on its 2016 presidential ticket, and he will without hesitation say one of two names: Sarah Palin or anybody with the last name Bush.

Democrats are not stupid. They often say things that Republicans are accused of being stupid for saying, but they are not stupid. At least not politically.

Democrats would choose to run against Sarah Palin or Bush kin because they know that those are two of the most unpopular names in America. Whether Democrats’ animus towards these two figures (well, one figure and one family) is justifiable or not is unimportant. What is important is that Democrats are right, at least in this regard.

A good rule of thumb for Republicans to follow when choosing their presidential candidates: do not choose the person Democrats most want to run against.

There are crazy people driving around in minivans as I write this with bumper stickers proclaiming “SARAH PALIN 2016,” and you have to wonder: “Who is smarter–Palin supporters or the Obama Phone lady?”

Do not misunderstand–I like Sarah Palin just fine, but she is too widely hated to ever have a successful bid for office, and I’m sorry, but I’d like not to have to suffer through another Democratic presidency.

Luckily there are no serious Republican strategists suggesting Sarah Palin try to run in 2016, but there are some who say Jeb Bush, former Governor of Florida and brother to President George W. Bush, should. May these strategists never be allowed to share their opinions on network television again.

First of all, there’s the little fact that the name Bush is a stigma. The majority of the country still blames George W. Bush for our economic troubles. (Every time you say that sentence out loud, by the way, another Republican strategist says, “Ah, I have an idea! Let’s run his brother Jeb!”) Why, oh, why would you ever suggest another Bush be president? Wouldn’t a third Bush in the Oval Office just reek of elitism? Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Bush–it’s just too much.

The arguments in support of Jeb are that he can speak Spanish and he supports “comprehensive immigration reform.”

So what if he speaks Spanish? Are we really going to have an American presidential candidate campaigning in a foreign tongue? Seriously?

And comprehensive immigration reform, or amnesty, is evidently not what Hispanics are looking for. President George W. Bush also supported comprehensive immigration reform and he got fewer votes than both of his respective Democratic opponents in two separate elections. Furthermore, President Reagan signed a soft-amnesty bill into law in 1986, and his Vice President (a guy by the name of Bush) received only 30 percent of the Hispanic vote when he ran for president a mere two years later.

If Jeb Bush does run for president, his best chance for winning would be to select Lord Voldemort as his running mate. He could at least pull in the Harry Potter fan base, not an unsubstantial demographic at all. Short of this, though, all Bushes from here on out need to stay away from national politics–as should their advocates.