New Mexico Food Stamps Recipients May Have To Look For Work

Shock and outrage over conditions being attached to food stamps.

People who are given whatever they want soon develop a sense of entitlement and rapidly lose their sense of proportion.” – Sarah Churchwell

According to the Associated Press, a lawsuit is being filed by a group of New Mexico food stamp recipients because forthcoming regulations would require some beneficiaries of the program, such as childless adults, to work, or seek work in order to be eligible for food stamps. This has caused quite a bit of consternation, as those who are filing the suit said that they believed “the government was cool with freeloaders since that Obama guy took over.”

Billy Westerman, the leader of the firm that took the case, said that he was shocked that the government would do such a thing to the hard (non) working people of the state of New Mexico. He issued a statement on behalf of his clients, saying:

What has become of this once great nation? We used to be a culture of dependency, one in which a man could pretend to hurt his back in order to receive disability, and not get scrutinized for it. We used to be a culture that took care of our freeloaders, that gave them space to do what they are naturally good at doing, which is figuring out ways to milk governmental processes to their fullest extent without paying a penny, or lifting a finger—unless it’s to grab an ice cold beer from their subsidized fridge! Now, we are actually implementing work requirements? This is unnecessary and cruel, and we will fight this to the bitter end, or as long as they keep paying us.”

We asked John Galder, one of many (non) working men not directly involved in the suit for comment. When we brought up the forthcoming work requirements, Galder, wearing a white tank top with a stain on the belly—which appeared to be some kind of marinara sauce (though he said he hadn’t eaten pasta in weeks)—teared up, saying:

It was always my dream to grow up and become a freeloader, ever since I was a kid. It’s the American Dream, really. Now, with these upcoming regulations, for the first time in my life, I’m afraid my kids won’t have an easier time than I did sucking money from the veins of the taxpayer.”

After saying that, Galder had to take a moment to regain his composure. He then used his Obamaphone to order a large, three topping pizza, because the marinara stain made him hungry for Italian. He refused to comment further, citing his emotional state.

There is a growing sense of anti-entitlement sweeping the nation, and it threatens everything we, as a republic, have worked toward. It was the goal of the founding fathers to create a nation in which men, and women could freeload off of the federal, and state governments to the fullest extent, without suffering the burden of having a job. But the neo-conservatives have made that dream an impossibility with things like work requirements, and drug tests for welfare, and food stamp recipients. This is emblematic of the entire conservative agenda, which is one of hard work, and fiscal responsibility, the likes of which could destroy the fabric of this nation.

I hope that with the upcoming election, we can get our nation back on track, and start once again honoring the (non) working men and women of America.