College Footballer Feels Need to Tell Us His Sexual Preference

There’s lots of talk about football lately (I guess there’s some big game happening this coming Sunday). You could spend a long time trying to explain to me the point of football, or of most any sport—not how it’s played, but why it’s played—and you might as well be trying to explain the importance of the prevalence of homosexual public figures, or why certain figures feel the need in the first place to tell us which version of human sexual organs they prefer to have sex with.

Try to put the ball in the end section of the field; succeed, and then praise only one member of the supposed “team” (I think he’s called the quarter-black or something?). Sounds to me like a gross waste of time. “I don’t just play football, but I’m announcing here and now that I also like to have sex with men.” Oh, okay, thanks. I really wanted to know that.

Okay, I lied; I do know why a male in modern society would volunteer that he’s sexually attracted to male genitalia, and the reason is very obvious: he wants to be celebrated; he wants to be on TV; he wants to be hailed by the media and our politicians as brave, fearless, heroic, a role model for the downtrodden (“downtrodden” evidently means to be celebrated and called a hero by the majority of society).

“After years of feeling somewhat alone in the world,” begins a piece at, “Conner Mertens, a 19-year-old red-shirt freshman kicker for Willamette (Ore.) University football team, finally has found some peace.”

You can’t see it, but I’m violently rolling my eyes.

“Last week, the student-athlete told his coach, Glen Fowles, that he is bisexual, that he has a boyfriend–and on Monday he announced it to the rest of the world in the name of helping and inspiring other LGBT athletes, students, and people like him.”

No, it was in the name of being praised by the mass media.

Mertens wrote a letter over the course of several tweets “to his hometown” (USA Today’s wording, not mine; I have no idea how you can write a letter to a town).

“Throughout my life,” it said, “I have been told who I can and cannot be. A few months ago I realized that I am only limited as a person by the limitations I have placed on myself. That being said, it is important to me to tell you all that I, Conner Mertens, am bisexual. If that makes you uncomfortable, I refuse to apologize for being who I am.”

No, why would it make us uncomfortable that you’re telling us intimate details about your sex life, about the fact that you have absolutely no standards for what gender you’ll bring to bed?

Straight men don’t hold press conferences to announce, “I like vaginas!” If LGBT-ers want respect, they should keep such personal matters to themselves and stop insisting on being defined by their sexual practices.