Archie the American Icon Dies Defending Gay Agenda

I remember when I was younger chewing Bazooka bubble gum and reading the little Archie comic that was wrapped around each pink rectangle. My sisters read the Archie digests, the appeal of which I didn’t understand. The stories seemed fragmented and the jokes seemed corny.

But one thing was for sure—Archie embodied the sort of Grease-era American nostalgia that so many Baby Boomers reminisced about with misty eyes. From letter-winning jocks to wise-cracking soda jerks, Archie was all about the Golden Age of American exceptionalism.

So it doesn’t make much sense that Archie, the white bread American icon, should die protecting his best friend, a homosexual. And he was shot too. So liberals got two birds with one stone on that one. Maybe even three: they killed an icon of the homophobic 50s, upheld the gay agenda, and criticized guns in one master stroke of leftist propaganda:

Freckle-faced Archie will meet his demise when he intervenes in an assassination attempt on senator Kevin Keller, Archie Comics’ first openly gay character, who’s pushing for more gun control in Riverdale. Archie’s death, which was first announced in April, will mark the conclusion of the “Life with Archie” series. . . .

Jon Goldwater, Archie Comics publisher and co-CEO, defended Archie’s demise being a lesson about gun violence and diversity.

“Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I don’t agree,” said Goldwater. “I think Riverdale is a place where everyone should feel welcome and safe. From my point of view, I’m proud of the stance we’ve taken here, and I don’t think it’s overtly political on any level.”

Yeah. No. It’s definitely overtly political. The message couldn’t be clearer: guns are bad; homosexuals are good; the 50s were close-minded, and so are you. I guess they thought this was poignant or something.

I’m glad Archie is dead. He needed to be put out of his misery. I wish they had killed him before they mangled his character and the whole comic, but, hey, at least they were decent enough to give him peace from this mortal strife before they forced him to do any more of their leftist bidding.