A Tale Of Two Cities–Let’s Do It!

I have an idea. Let’s split the country in half between liberals and conservatives. Liberals and Democrats get their half of the United States (their pick), and conservatives and Republicans will get their half. Neither side will impede the desires of the other to run their half however they see fit. There will be no President of the United States because there will no longer be a United States. It will be the split of one country into two new, entirely different countries. If the liberal half–I’d suggest calling it either Dystopia or Gomorrah–wanted gay “marriage,” abortion on demand, and public sex parties, they can do that; the conservative country won’t stop them. Likewise with the conservative country’s desired laws: liberals won’t stop them.

Propose this idea to a liberal–that he and his kind can have their own country all to themselves–and he would probably take a puff from his joint and cough out, “Dude, that’s awesome, man. Like, yeah….”

But then when his high settles down and he has his wits about him, inasmuch as liberal wits can be called wits, he’d probably think otherwise. I think that deep down, liberals understand that the conservatives are the producers and the liberals are the leeches. Some don’t understand it at all, of course, but I think many, if they were honest with themselves, would acknowledge how much they benefit from conservatives. And so the idea of their own country, at least in their own private thoughts, scares the ever-living out of them.

California’s population is shrinking and Texas’s is growing. Atlas has shrugged and conservatives–the producers–are leaving California to avoid punitive taxes. The emigrants from California are not all conservatives, though, surely. Liberals must also be leaving that state to head to where there are more conservatives for them to leech off of. They’ve all but killed their host, so now they have to seek a new one.

Unlike today’s America, my proposed right-sided country–I’d suggest calling it Merica–would have a secure fence surrounding it, perhaps topped with electrified barbed wire. We would keep the citizens of Gomorrah out but allow people from other countries to come in, provided they take a comprehensive course on the Constitution, which would be adopted by Merica and “fundamentally transformed” by Gomorrah. If they get anything less than 90 percent of the questions correct, they would be allowed to stay with us temporarily until, a month later, they have to take the test again. If they fail the test three times, they have to return to their country for six months, given that their country is not currently involved in some war against its civilians, or we can toss them over the fence into Gomorrah.

Okay, so that’s a bit extreme, I know, I know. But I really do think we should split the country into left and right. The left country would eventually destroy itself, and every once in a while–okay, often–it is fun to gloat that left is wrong, and right is right.

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