The US Army Is RAYCISS for Prohibiting Undignified Hair

The United States Army recently handed down new regulations for self-grooming and hairstyles for both male and female soldiers. But, surprise, a certain race of female soldiers is declaring the new regulations racist.

Starting with Page 16 of this PDF file released by the Army, you can see the unauthorized hairstyles for females. There cannot be more than an inch of difference in length from the front of the hair to the back, no bangs that fall below the eyebrows, and no scrunchies that are of a color dissimilar to the woman’s own hair color. Hair cannot be astray, improperly secured; buns on the back of the head cannot be askew, off to one side; and any parting in the hair must be in a straight line and not a zigzag.

These are regulations that affect all races of women.

But twists are also not authorized, and neither are dreadlocks (male or female). According to ArmyTimes.com, “The Army defines ‘twists’ as two distinct strands of hair twisted around one another to create a rope-like appearance.” I supposed it’d technically be racist to notice the pattern that it’s usually blacks who have hairstyles like this, but it’s true. And it’s the black women who are complaining.

Hair that looks like ropes is disgusting. It’s a cultural thing, sure, fine, but it’s a culture that likes disgusting hairstyles. Twists just don’t look dignified. And forget about dreadlocks. I’m sure you’ve seen a llama or an unshorn sheep with that clotted, matted hair surrounding its anus, yes? It’s just clumped with dried feces, and as it walks around the clumps shake back and forth? Those are what dreadlocks look like.

I suppose it’s not just a black thing. White women with no self-respect sometimes have dreadlocks as well. But they’re no less disgusting.

Look at these two dogs.

Who wants America’s army looking like that?

But isn’t this to be expected when you allow women in general into the military? They concern themselves over their hairdos (and to the extent that they petition the White House over it, no less).

You can’t take the woman out of the soldier.

I urge you all to sign the petition simply because it’d be great fun to hear what President Obama would have to say about it. We know with whom his favor lays.