There’s Now a Vaginal Speaker that Plays In-Womb Tunes to Unborn Babies

Just file this under “what-in-the-cocaine-fueled-late-night-marketing-brainstorm-session-is-that-Batman.” Prepare yourself. Apparently, there is a significant demographic of aspiring parents who want to ensure their unborn baby doesn’t have his in-utero-tertainment muffled by the annoying abdominal wall of his mother. Not to worry, you crazy people, Babypod is here to save the day:

Spanish company Babypod has invented a speaker that is designed to be inserted into the vagina, stimulating foetal development.

“Babies learn to speak in response to sound stimuli, especially melodic sound. Babypod is a device that stimulates before birth through music. With Babypod, babies learn to vocalise from the womb,” reads the blurb on the company’s website.

There has been plenty of research on the effect of sound on foetuses, and evidence suggests that unborn babies do respond to music in the womb. There are already multiple speakers available on the market (“prenatal speakers”) which are fitted around a pregnant woman’s stomach.

Does anyone else think this is just overkill? There’s probably a very good reason why babies have layers of protection from stimulation of all kinds: they’re tiny, extremely delicate, developing humans. They need quiet, dark, warm, and soft. Forget that, though, right? What does God know about prenatal development? Let the wizardry of modern technology give your little brat a jumpstart. There are probably other things you can stick into the womb to stimulate that baby before his time. I hope someone is listening because I’m about to drop some golden nuggets here:

  1. DiscoBaby: a rotating strobe light that can be inserted into the vagina in order to help unborn babies develop pattern recognition and light sensitivity. Warning: may cause prenatal epilepsy.
  2. WombFlex: It’s a tiny BowFlex for your womb! Insert the collapsible all-in-one workout center into your womb to make sure your baby enters this world already swoll.
  3. WunderSniff: This little stink bomb disperses pungent odors into womb fluids in order to stimulate your unborn baby’s sense of smell.

No. Just no. Please. Stop.