Shalom! Distinguished members of the United Nations General Assembly, I am President DeMayo and I am here before you today as the leader of United States to inform the world that as of this very second U.S. military personnel are engaged in the aerial devastation of every known and suspected nuclear facility our intelligence community has identified in the country of Iran. President Ahmadinejad has been taken into custody and is being transported to our Guantanamo Bay Prison Facility where he will reside until such time as he is tried for aiding and abetting acts of terrorism against U.S. forces in Iraq and Afghanistan. U.S. military personnel are being recalled and redeployed to Europe, Israel, Jordan and the U.S. southern border with Mexico.
In response to the covert financial jihad being waged against U.S. economic interests, I have authorized the seizure of all domestic and international financial assets including your U.S. based embassies and suspension of all foreign aid payments to of the following countries: Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Dubai, Iraq, Syria, Libya, Egypt, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Yemen, Lebanon, Kuwait, Oman and Qatar and their citizens residing in the U.S..
After decades of attempting to placate an unreasonable people the U.S. is giving up on its efforts to help the Palestinian People. They are directed to relocate to their nearest Islamic neighbor so as to avoid any violent conflict with U.S. forces. The U.S. is no longer responsible for the health and safety of these arrogant and unreasonable people.
I would like to inform the Russian and Chinese diplomats that the U.S. will support their efforts to bring civility to these previously mentioned countries as we are no longer interested in their natural resources or their diplomatic allegiance. However, we caution against any threats of or acts of aggression against our allies in Israel. Israeli soil and its people are now under the protection of our Christian nation and all military options for the protection of Israel are on the table.
The United States government formally requests the surrender of all individuals under U.S. indictment for aiding and abetting terrorist activities against the U.S. and its allies. Failure to comply within 24 hours will result in drone strikes against key infrastructure and military sites in countries providing for their refuge. We know who you are.
I have also ordered the State Department to close all U.S. embassies and the recalling all diplomatic personnel and U.S. citizens residing in your countries. Until such time as they have arrived safely back on friendly soil you will be our temporary guests. All foreign visas, applications for citizenship and non-U.S. citizen passports for citizens of the countries I have mentioned have been invalidated and they are being given 1 week to make travel arrangements and vacate United States soil or they will be arrested and deported as time allows. Until such time as terrorist organizations have been outlawed or eradicated in your nations the U.S. will refrain from honoring any current or future military contracts with your respective countries.
Be forewarned if you refuse to give up your maniacal aspirations of an Islamic caliphate you are condemning your people to lives of deprivation and fear. The United States will no longer be diplomatic about protecting our national security and the lives of our citizens. We will manage without your oil and your terrorism. Good luck with your myopic fundamentalist agenda.
If you haven’t heard your country’s name mentioned a list is provided in the packets labeled “New U.S. Foreign Policy Objectives and Actions” available at tables in the back of the room. Thank you for your time and cooperation. God Bless.
As Prime Minister Netanyahu asked: “Wait?…….Wait until when?…………Wait for what?
I recognize that it may be more complex a problem than outlined in my fictitious speech, but whom or what could stop us. Why would they bother? In one fell swoop the infectious problems of the Middle East would be turned over to the countries currently soliciting those allegiances and undermining U.S. goals. Let them become the targets of international extortion and terror. My guess is it wouldn’t bode well for any of them.