Robert De Niro Endorses Hillary Clinton in the Stupidest Way Possible

For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap.” – Richard Cobden

It’s that time again; political candidates are announcing their intentions to run for the highest office in the land, commercials are beginning to run on TV, Facebook is alight with aggressively uninformed memes, and the Hollywood elite has started making public endorsements.

In a recent interview with The Daily Beast, legendary actor Robert De Niro made the first real endorsement of the Hollywood pack, and you’ll never guess whom he has chosen. JK, you totally will… it’s Hillary:

“Hopefully it will be her…I think that she’s paid her dues. There are going to be no surprises, and she has earned the right to be president and the head of the country at this point. It’s that simple. And she’s a woman, which is very important because her take on things may be what we need right now.”

Yep. In one paragraph, De Niro packed in so many layers of stupidity. If his comments were made physical, the density of their idiocy would be at least as heavy as lead. Let’s break his artfully asinine comment into bite sized chunks, shall we?

“I think she’s paid her dues…and she has earned the right to be president and the head of the country at this point.”

This isn’t acting, one’s dues don’t (or shouldn’t) qualify one for the position of President of the United States. If “dues” are the metric by which we’re measuring qualifications, any number of Hillary’s potential primary rivals have her locked out. Before being elected to the Senate in 2006, Bernie Sanders served in the House for 16 years. Before that? Sanders was the Mayer of Burlington, Vermont from 1981 to 1989. The man’s been in politics since 1971. So, if it’s dues we’re looking at, Hillary is far from first place.

“There are going to be no surprises.”

Uh huh. Just as a reminder, here’s a bullet point list of Hillary Clinton surprises from just the last several weeks:

  • She eschewed an official State Dept. email account for a private one her entire tenure as Secretary of State.
  • This private account was housed on a private server which was located in her own home in New York.
  • After turning over documents she thought pertinent to the House Benghazi investigation, she maintained that the server would remain private, unavailable for forensic analysis by an independent third party.
  • Rep. Trey Gowdy has revealed that Clinton wiped her server sometime between the fall and winter of 2014, during the midst of an investigation. Suspicious much?
  • It has now been confirmed that Hillary’s excuse of “convenience” for not wanting to carry a second cell phone was a lie. She also used an iPad for email correspondence. I guess carrying two cell phones is more of an inconvenience than carrying a cell phone and a nine inch tablet.

Other than that, no surprises.

“And she’s a woman, which is very important because her take on things may be what we need right now.”

Yikes. That’s a bit sexist–and I’m being honest here. To invoke gender as a qualification for leadership is not only invalid, but insulting. At least it should be–but because it’s Hillary Clinton, it’s no biggie, right?

Here’s my approximate and slightly infantilized translation of Robert De Niro’s words (please read in De Niro accent):

“She’s got ovaries, so that’s, like, a new perspective. She never been anything but trustworthy. Not ever. We know SOOOO much about her (aside for her private server). She’s been here, like, forever, so she deserves something. Why not make that something the leader of the free world?”

Let’s just call her Your Majesty from now on.