RAYCISS! Rumsfeld Says “a Trained Ape” Can Do Better than Obama

Liberals have established that there are certain insults you can hurl at some people but not at others.

Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense in President George W. Bush’s first term, was on the phone with Fox’s Greta Van Susteren to talk about President Obama’s bungling of the United States’ relationship with Afghanistan.

“We have status of forces agreements,” he said, “probably with 100, 125 countries in the world. This administration—the White House and the State Department—has failed to get a status of forces agreement. A trained ape can get a status of forces agreement! It does not take a genius.”

Shame on Rumsfeld for not knowing how the media would react—or maybe kudos to him for not caring. Using the word “ape” in the same thought as “Obama”? Heck, using the word ape in the same day as you used the word “Obama”? That’s taboo!

Gawker headlined the incident, “Donald Rumsfeld Compares Obama to ‘a Trained Ape’ on Fox News,” and opened the piece by, ironically, taking issue with Rumsfeld’s race. “You’re senile, you’re white, you’re conservative and entitled, so it sort of makes sense. But you don’t just say these things out loud, old man.”

And Salon opens its article on the incident with “Donald Rumsfeld [….] appeared on Fox News on Monday in order to bash President Obama by negatively comparing him to ‘a trained ape.’ ”

No, Rumsfeld didn’t compare Obama to a trained ape. He did the precise opposite: he contrasted him with a trained ape. He illustrated how Obama and a trained ape were different, not how they were similar. It’s also a common idiom to say a monkey can do things better than someone who is doing a poor job at that same thing.

But we can’t expect liberals to have critical-thinking skills. They hear “ape” and “Obama” and they go guano. No reason, it’s just the way they were trained.

Rumsfeld has used the expression before. “Oh my goodness gracious,” he once said, “what you can buy off the Internet in terms of overhead photography. A trained ape can know an awful lot of what is going on in this world, just by punching on his mouse, for a relatively modest cost.” Rumsfeld is racist against Internet shopping, apparently.

Even if Rumsfeld did actually compare Obama to a monkey, so what? How many times did we have to see the aforementioned Bush portrayed in the media as a literal monkey in comic strips and in images all over the Internet? Why the outrage whenever a comparison is made involving a black guy? Are liberals saying the comparison is too real in those cases? Too accurate and not far enough from the truth to make a joke about?

I want to understand the rules of propriety liberals have dictated to society. Not because I want to obey them, gosh no, but so I can better mock them. So if any liberals out there can explain the logic behind why you like to be offended when any simian species is mentioned in the same sentence as a black man, I’m all ears.