Once upon a time, there was a king who, despite angry threats from his opposition on the dark side, did his best to provide the American people what they so craved: socialized healthcare.
It was a dark and wicked time prior to 2010. For endless seasons, the country had suffered under the rule of a dictator called George. He made them work until their backs broke, only once providing them with a measly pittance, called a stimulus check.
Barack Obama had only ruled for two years by this time, and he had already improved quality of life for everyone by immeasurable bounds. But there was one thing lacking: healthcare. Since the beginning of the American experiment, the people had suffered under a labored system called capitalism. A wicked scheme it was, pitting people against each other to lower prices. Obama came up with a solution that had never been implemented anywhere else in the world. It was a system that couldn’t fail, given it had never been tried anywhere like Canada or England or Cuba or Greece. It was to be called Obamacare—not because he was vain, but so Americans would know it came from a good source.
After wonderfully shoving Obamacare down our throats—for our own good, like methadone for an addict—the system began to work. It was never questioned by anyone, aside from two or three “Right-wing nut jobs.” It was never questioned by prominent politicians, economists, healthcare workers, doctors, nurses, or anyone important, because it was perfect from its inception.
Oddly enough, there began a shift in the polls. A rising number of Americans began to dislike the shining and wonderful healthcare law. Perhaps the two or three Right-wing nut jobs fooled the people. It couldn’t have been the prominent politicians, economists, healthcare workers, doctors, nurses, or anyone important, because they knew better than to criticize that which needs no critique.
The poll, conducted by the obviously evil and underhanded Pew, claimed that “53% disapprove of the health care law, while 42% approve. This is among the most negative assessments of the law since it was enacted in March 2010.”
Needing to dispel the absurdity of this obviously flawed poll, King Obama took to Telemundo. When asked: “Are they [the American people] wrong?” Obama said: “Yes.” He then laughed smugly to show how ridiculous anyone would be to question his almighty leadership.
What an urbane and nuanced answer! The people rejoiced! There was dancing and there were tears of joy. What a leader we have! Then there was no more talk of it, for it had been settled. No prominent politicians, economists, healthcare workers, doctors, nurses, or anyone important ever questioned the law, because premiums never rose, plans didn’t get reduced, and full-time jobs weren’t cut to part-time.
Polls were outlawed, because they clearly did not represent the will of the people, and those few Right-wing nut jobs disappeared, never to be seen again. The people were happy, and so was their king.