My Response to Black Liberation Collective’s List of College ‘Demands’

The Black Liberation Collective (BLC) is, as described on their own website, “a collective consisting of Black students who are dedicated to transforming institutions of higher education through unity, coalition building, direct action and political education.”

This organization has released a list of demands from a national level down to specific colleges and universities. TheDemands.org features hundreds of hysterical, unrealistic, unearned, table-pounding, millennialesque dictates.

Here are some of the more ridiculous ones, as well as my commentary:

“WE DEMAND free tuition for Black and indigenous students.”

Well, the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education states that the college dropout rate for blacks is an astonishing 58%. Given that, removing the burden of tuition responsibility would likely lead to a further disincentivized black student population, causing more dropouts. So, in the end, this might save universities a great deal of money. Green light!

“We demand that by the academic year 2017-18, the University of Missouri increases the percentage of black faculty and staff members campus-wide by 10 percent.”

It’s cool to discriminate against all other races in favor of black faculty and staff. I’m sure that the Asian immigrant with a Ph.D from MIT didn’t need a job anyway. Green light!

“President Martin must issue a statement to the Amherst College community at large that states we do not tolerate the actions of student(s) who posted the ‘All Lives Matter’ posters, and the ‘Free Speech’ posters that stated that ‘in memoriam of the true victim of the Missouri Protests: Free Speech.’ Also let the student body know that it was racially insensitive to the students of color on our college campus and beyond who are victim to racial harassment and death threats; alert them that Student Affairs may require them to go through the Disciplinary Process if a formal complaint is filed, and that they will be required to attend extensive training for racial and cultural competency.”

Totes agree. Saying that all lives matter indicates a belief that all lives matter. Let’s set aside the niceties, and instead of disciplinary action, just kill the whites who posted the free speech posters. I mean, right? Why waste money that could be used to provide free tuition to blacks and indigenous peoples on cultural competency classes for whites when we could just off the suckers? Too far? #WhiteyGoesDown

“The 2013 Diversity Action Plan outlines that, by 2025, Brown will double its current faculty of color ratio. Doubling the current number of 64 faculty of color—out of 720—to 128 is not enough, and we cannot wait 10 years for such a fundamentally important goal to manifest.”

Again, why these baby steps? I want 100% of Brown faculty to be brown by 2016. #MakeBrownBrown

“We demand that Cal Poly institute mandatory Women’s & Gender Studies or Ethnic Studies courses for students in every major.”

Umm, why do we even have any other majors? Shut down all majors aside from Women’s and Gender Studies, and Ethnic Studies. That way, everyone can be equally unemployable following graduation. #LetsGoDownTogether

Reparations.”

Give us money and stuff for reasons. Sounds good. Nothing to add here.

“Immediate removal of LAPD’s presence on Occidental College campus.”

Definitely. You know what makes women feel safe as they walk to their cars in a dark parking garage? Not a cop in sight. #LAPDWorseThanRape

I’m rarely at a loss for words, but these demands have left me with nothing else to say. They’re so well thought out and realistic, I’m sure they’ll be met as soon as possible. 🙂