MSNBC hosts need more bathroom breaks

Call me a masochist, but I do watch the boys and half girls on MSNBC from time to time. I feel it helps me maintain a unique perspective of honest journalism. Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable MSNBC show hosts look during their broadcasts? They remind me of newly potty trained toddlers just before they have a trouser soiling accident. I don’t blame them after all from the looks of their ratings the Obama networks mommies and daddies have got to be furious.

Rachael Maddow is my favorite know-it-all Rhodes Scholar lesbian Obama guy at MSNBC. I love the way she flaunts her superior intellectual acumen while hiding her daddy issues. Growing up a conservative catholic daughter of a retired military man proved to have some obscene influences in Rachael’s life choices. Her so called broadcasts clearly illustrate her identity discomfort and adoration for everything contrary. I’ll bet she giggles every time they let her use the men’s room and MSNBC.

Clenching and grunting is not new for the hard headed underachieving Ed Schultz. “I gotta tell ya” he really hates getting his butt kicked by Fox’s Bill O’Reilly. I always get a kick out of his delusionary editing of speeches and his indisputable gut feeling analysis. He really brings it with his former Oakland Raider has been smack talking hatred of the Republican Party. I guess he’s still upset about the Republican Party’s 1994 refusal to back him for a congressional run. Like his lackluster professional football career Ed couldn’t make the cut with Republicans so instead of riding the bench he switched teams.

Could somebody get Chris Matthews a bib? His deteriorating spine and the weight of Obama’s failed Presidency are affecting his poster clearly inhibiting his ability to swallow his own drivel. While Matthews exemplifies deaf mainstream media (can the guy hear himself over his constant interruptions) at least he hasn’t completely sacrificed common sense to the ratings Gods. This should be cause for concern since “The Rachael Maddow Shows” dismal ratings have clawed their way past his “Hardballs”.

The Boston born, Harvard educated, former aide to Sen. Patrick Moynihan Laurence O’Donnell reminds me of a guy I used to humanely defend in High School. My Lawrence was a detestable whelp who never understood the definition of the word obnoxious. The more he got hit the more obnoxious he got. Heck I almost tuned him up a couple of times myself and would have if not for my sense of decency. Note: MSNBC’s O’Donnell proudly states that he “lies to the extreme left”. Do I need to say more?

Then there is former Democratic Presidential Candidate Rev. Al Sharpton a man who makes Jesse Jackson sound like George Will. What moron gave this career extortionist a so called news show? Didn’t they realize that they can never get rid of this race baiting charlatan? Talk about credibility issues this guy couldn’t lie straight in bed. Reverend Al is lucky he’s not preaching at Attica State Penitentiary but there is always hope for his future.

Who makes the programming decisions at MSNBC? My guess is decisions are probably made in a communal atmosphere mysteriously nudged ever farther left by the likes of David Axelrod and taxpayer funded public service announcement cash. Can’t say I blame them after all desperate times call for desperate measures. MSNBC isn’t exactly raking in the prime advertising revenue the antithetic Fox News network seems to be attracting. Maybe there is something to be said for a more unbiased and truthful approach to the news? Fox isn’t perfect but at least their Kings and Queens of prime time news aren’t squirming in their pull-ups.