LGBPTTQQIIAA+: The New Term for Hypersexual Snowflakes

You all know that “LGBT” stands for “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transsexual” (or Transgender, depending on who you ask). It’s a blanket term used for referring to all people with psychosexual problems. But in recent times this term has become offensive to the very people who created it in order not to be offensive. Mental, right? “LGBT” isn’t inclusive enough, so now everyone must make efforts to include as many letters in the initialism as possible.

One accepted and non-offensive alternative initialism is LGBPTTQQIIAA+. (Yes, that’s a plus sign at the end.) This new blanket term replaces the offensive “LGBT” and stands for “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Intergender, Asexual, and Ally.” The + at the end is the LGBPTTQQIIAA+ community’s way of saying, “Look, even we acknowledge we’ve gone overboard with all these letters, so to save time, we’ve just added a plus sign at the end to represent everybody we forgot to mention.”

Of course nothing exists that isn’t offensive to some special LGBPTTQQIIAA+ snowflake. That plus sign is deemed offensive as well! Why? Because it lumps together everyone who was left out, which can make it seem like they’re less important. It’s so hard today to be a leftist, isn’t it, always walking on the very egg shells you’ve placed before you?

So what do the terms initialed in “LGBPTTQQIIAA+” actually mean? We are all familiar with the the lesbian L, the gay G, and the bisexual B. What about the rest?

Pansexual – Unlike bisexuals, pansexuals are attracted to all genders, not just the male and female ones. This includes other pangenders, omnigenders, demigenders, gender-fluids, and on and on and on. I don’t understand why a new term needed to be created to explain that you’re attracted to all genders. The old terms, “unprincipled” or “without standards,” worked just fine.

Transgender – Someone whose gender (what the LGBPTTQQIIAA+ community believes is basically just your mind’s sex) does not match their physical sex. Essentially it’s a cross-dresser in denial.

Transsexual – Someone who has undergone mutilation surgery to change his genitalia to match whatever gender he feels he is (even though what genitals you have do not matter, according to these very same people). Essentially a transsexual is a masochistic cross-dresser, or someone who has the balls (but no longer literally) to put his money where his psychosis is and get himself neutered.

Queer – Once considered offensive by LGBPTTQQIIAA+ people, they have now “reclaimed” it and “taken the power back.” It is used by them to represent all people whose sexuality is not normal (although they would put quotation marks around the word “normal”). Since it embraces all “sexual minorities” and is only five letters long, why not just use it instead of silly initialisms? I don’t know. But I embrace this term because it gives me an excuse to call them a bunch a’ queers without them having an excuse to get angry at me.

Questioning – According to this LGBPTTQQIIAA+ glossary, “questioning” is “the process of exploring one’s own sexual orientation, investigating influences that may come from their family, religious upbringing, and internal motivations.” It’s all the rage among middle-schoolers whose parents let them watch Glee and other LGBPTTQQIIAA+-celebration programming. If you’re not questioning the sexuality and “gender” you grew up with, you’re boring and a square.

Intersex – What used to be called a hermaphrodite, but that’s now offensive. So if you’re a mutant with a penis and a vagina, you are now “intersex.”

Intergender – Your mind’s sex (your gender) is between different genders, even if they are contradictory ones. If you believe your mind is both asexual (see below) and bisexual, two terms that are mutually exclusive, you are intergender. Or, as psychiatrists like to call it, schizophrenic.

Asexual – Truly the most normal out of all the initials, asexuals experience little to no sexual attraction to anybody. The LGBPTTQQIIAA+ community stole this word and applied it to humans (some animals are asexual in that they reproduce without having sex, which humans cannot naturally do). The reason they stole it was because everybody who makes up the LGBPTTQQIIAA+ community is so hypersexual, they just couldn’t believe it was possible not to be horny. Such a “condition” needed a name. But the LGBPTTQQIIAA+ community is also romanticized in the media and among the young and the hip, and kids who found themselves not really as horny as their peers wanted to fit in with that community, to be part of the in crowd. Therefore they started calling themselves asexuals, thus allowing them a slot in this much-celebrated and -praised community. “Victim” classes are romanticized and treated special, after all.

Ally – A straight person who supports queers, the very type of person spoken about in the second clause of Romans 1:32.

Consider me not an ally.