Lesbian Parties, Queer Confessionals, and Tranny Kickball Come to D.C.

It is Pride Week in the nation’s capital, a celebration not of heritage or of country, but of the desire to bed members of the same sex. It’s fitting that such an event of such debauchery would take place at the capital of a debauched nation.

Fritz Hahn has in The Washington Post‘s Weekend section a write-up of some of Pride Week’s events. As he describes it, it is “a full week of parties, happy hours and dance nights building up to the June 7 parade through Dupont Circle and the massive June 8 festival on Pennsylvania Avenue between the Capitol and the White House.”

Here are some of the events:

On Wednesday there will be a staged telling of homosexual confessionals about “forbidden love [and] fumbling first times.” I’m guessing “How I Got AIDS” probably won’t be one of the stories told. The goal is to glamorize gayness, after all, not to speak of its harsher, disease-spreading realities.

On Friday there is a costume party at Dock5 in Union Market. The theme is cavemen and superheroes. Knowing how the LGBT community works, males will likely dress as female superheroes and cavemen, and women will likely dress as male versions. In all that they do, it must be weirder than the last person. Costume suggestions included Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Tim Curry’s transvestite character in The Rocky Horror Picture Show) and the Curiosity Rover. I wish I were joking.

There will also be a lesbian dance party on Friday at Phase 1. If that sounds hot, just remember that most lesbians look like Rosie O’Donnell and not like what you see in the movies.

Saturday night there will be a drag show at what I am upset to learn is the Black Cat, a place I gave money to once when I saw a band perform there a few years ago. Some of RuPaul’s Drag Race season 6 contestants will be there.

Sunday is perhaps the strangest event of the week. Francis Field will host the annual Drag-Ball game in which players from the Stonewall Kickball league play kickball in—what else?—the opposite gender’s clothing. Of course. How could a homosexual event not involve cross-dressing? Here’s hoping a few of them twist their ankles as they attempt to run in high heels, which were most definitely not invented with the male body in mind.

Welcome to America, where we encourage lifestyles detrimental to a good, moral civilization.