Have you heard the big news? Of course you have. No, I’m not talking about our government sending money to the Syrian rebels who happen to be de facto al-Qaeda members. No, I’m not talking about the huge Chines earthquake that has killed almost 100 people. No, I’m not talking about the IRS attack on the very foundation of our democratic republic.
The big news is that the royal family of Britain has welcomed their newest member.
Yes, it’s a boy and I don’t care.
Here’s the thing; I am very happy for the family and I hope they have many years of joyous interaction with their newest child. However, it has nothing to do with me and I am in no way going to allow the mass media culture to force me to invest any of my emotional energy into this child.
The most basic thought I have in this whole situation is that I think human royalty of any kind is a travesty. Mostly because all people are extremely messed up, and I know for a fact (thank you history books) that most royal families have no business ruling other people.
The premise of dynastic royalty is that some people inherently deserve to rule and others inherently deserve to be ruled. I do not agree. I am offended by the very idea that Britain still holds to this barbaric ritual, and as a consumer of mass media I object to having to deal with “big royal news” every few years.
Whether it’s a military deployment, a divorce, an affair, a death in the family, a wedding, or even a birth. I did not get an invitation to the wedding and I will not send a congratulatory card upon the announcement of this birth.
Here is my “royal news” manifesto. You are not better than me, I am not your subject. Please remove me from your email lists, your news cycle announcements, and your nifty newspaper pronouncements. I, in turn, will not inform you of any of my upcoming engagements, awards, announcements, or celebrations. Thank you.