If Liberals Rewrote the 16th Amendment: Taxes

Continuing my series on liberal rewrites of the Constitution, I’ve decided to take a look at taxes in the form of the 16th Amendment. It seems only fitting now that Bernie Sanders is in the race. Although every Democrat is in favor of Robin-Hooding the rich in order to form a dependent class, Sanders seems to be the only one admitting to wanting dramatically higher taxes. The dumb, honest socialist.

Here’s the text of the 16th Amendment to the Constitution as it currently stands:

“The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several states, and without regard to any census or enumeration.”

Here’s the new and improved liberal version:

“The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several states, and without regard to any census or enumeration.

These taxes, if necessary, should come from the top income earners–specifically the one percent. Those in the top tier (to be determined by whomever levies the taxes) should pay their fair share in taxes in order that the less fortunate, those among us whose basket has been stocked with fewer eggs, can stand on equal footing with the wealthy.

The definition of ‘fair share’ will be determined not by a standard percentage, but by an advisory council, as the meaning of ‘fair share’ is fluid, and subject to change. ‘Fair share’ could reach 100 percent of income if necessary.

Those whom the federal government deems ‘poor’ will receive subsidies from the taxed earnings of those whom the federal government deems ‘too wealthy.’ Again, ‘too wealthy’ is a fluid term and will be subject to periodic change.

As part of the ‘You Didn’t Built That’ Act of 2015, small and medium-sized businesses will be subject to government review to make certain they are complying with the standards and practices of taxation. Twice yearly, these businesses will be audited.

The poor, or ‘lesser incomed’–whose eligibility will be determined by federal tax agents–will receive money directly from a fund which will be filled by the taxation of the wealthy. These checks will be freely spent and unrestricted because we cannot judge how people spend their money unless they’re wealthy.

If the wealthy should decide that work is no longer worth it due to ‘fair share’ taxation, and retire, they will be subject to devastating fines on their personal savings and leftover income until such a time as they decide to return to the workforce, or go bankrupt.

The federal government reserves the right to tax any and all citizens up to 100 percent of their income if necessary to serve the greater purpose of equality, which is valued above all else. We are a nation of equal opportunity and such measures may be required to achieve that ideal.

As everyone pays their ‘fair share,’ the system should sustain itself in a circular fashion as the wealthy subsidize the poor and the poor spend their money on goods and services.

Thus, one class will be dependent on another. So say we all.”

I feel like that rewrite is already in effect, but I just wanted to make it official.