If Liberals Rewrote the 14th & 15th Amendments

Continuing my series of liberal constitutional rewrites—inspired by the insipid comments of Democrat Senator Tammy Baldwin—I’ve decided to reconstruct the 14th and 15th Amendments to more accurately reflect modern liberal ideals.

First, the original text of section one of the 14th Amendment:

“All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

Now, the new and “improved” version:

“All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. This shall include those who are the offspring of undocumented Americans who, in an act of love, crossed our ‘border’ and gave birth on U.S. soil.

These children—those of undocumented parents—will have all the rights and privileges of Americans. They shall not be denied the right to remain united with their loved ones, including but not limited to, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins (first, second, and third). These children establish a tie, or ‘anchor,’ which will allow their families to stay with them in the United States. No family shall be torn apart.

Those who are here in an undocumented fashion shall henceforth be considered ‘naturalized.’ No person or persons shall be deported for merely crossing the ‘border,’ as that would amount to cruel and unusual punishment, which would constitute a violation of the 8th Amendment. Henceforth, anyone may enter and live in the United States so long as they provide a reasonable excuse, including but not limited to ‘We were looking for a better life.’ The reasonableness of excuses will be determined by a newly formed governmental agency.”

This connects to the newly revised Amendment 15, the original text of which was:

“The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude.”

It has been revised to say:

“The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude. Nor shall the rights of any newly legalized, previously undocumented American to vote be denied or abridged. 

We cannot create a tiered citizenry in which some are allowed the right to vote simply because they were born in the United States or arrived ‘legally’ as it were. We must allow all citizens, regardless of previous documentation status, to vote with or without government issued photo identification. As many of those who have formally and recently become naturalized are not capable of obtaining government issued photo identification, such measures as requiring identification to vote would amount to voter suppression.”

Coming to a Constitution near you!