How the Iranian Nuclear Deal Will Go Down Over the Next Two Weeks

Watching the Iran nuclear deal get negotiated is like watching someone try to haggle at Target. It doesn’t work. The latest ridiculousness comes courtesy of Secretary of State John Kerry.

Breitbart reports:

“Until now, a sticking point in the deal was Iran’s refusal to come clean about its history of nuclear cheating, to establish an honest baseline from which future compliance can be measured.”

Apparently, that’s no longer a big deal, as John Kerry recently announced:

“We’re not fixated on Iran specifically accounting for what they did at one point in time or another. It’s critical to us to know that going forward, those activities have been stopped, and that we can account for that in a legitimate way. That clearly is one of the requirements in our judgment for what has to be achieved in order to have a legitimate agreement.”

Another concession to the regime that oppresses women, executes gays, and wants Israel to be nothing more than a smoking hole in the ground.

Given the continuing concessions, I think I can finally foresee how the deal is going to work out over the next two weeks until the June 30th deadline.

Saturday, June 20:

Ok, fine! You don’t have to let us inspect your nuclear power facilities, but…you have to be honest with us. We’ll do the whole “honor system” thing.

Tuesday, June 23:

Alright, we said you couldn’t have weapons grade plutonium, but we’ll let that slide, if you promise not to build a bomb! We good? You promise? Remember honor system! Ok.

Friday, June 26:

We hear you. It’s crazy to forbid you from building a bomb. I mean, bombs are pretty cool. So, here’s the deal: you can build a bomb, but you can’t usethe bomb. Like, we know you despise Israel with a murderous passion, but just use your words, ok? To recap: bomb: ok. Using it on Israel: not ok.

Monday, June 29:

We totally get it. Who cares about Israel, right? You can build the bomb and use it, but…only on Israel. Not on us. We good?

Tuesday, June 30:

C’mon, you’re really putting pressure on us. Fine. You can use nukes on the United States, but we get to pick the cities to blow away.

Wednesday, July 1: Obama makes his legacy speech.

“My fellow Americans, we’ve made incredible progress with the nation of Iran. Sure, we’ve made numerous–some might say unending–concessions, but out of these concessions, we’ve emerged with a nuclear framework that will keep two thirds of us safe.

To be sure, approximately 100 million U.S. citizens will perish at the hands of this murderous regime–as well as the state of Israel–but 200 million will survive. That’s a 66% survival rate! To top it off, we get to choose who gets nuked!

Come next year when Iran is finished developing their weaponry, we will resume talks to decide which cities in the great satan will be obliterated by our Iranian friends.”

And MSNBC gushes. The end.