Global Warming Expedition Stuck In Ice

Chris Turney, an environmental scientist, boarded the MV Akademik Schokalskiy ship with the high and noble hopes of documenting the effects that global warming has had on arctic ice. Now, Chris Turney, his crew, and numerous others are stranded in ice. The ice in which they have been stranded is much thicker than anyone had ever predicted. An ice-breaker rescue ship was sent to set them free, but had to turn back because of a deep winter storm. Now, because all ship-based rescue efforts have failed, the plan is to rescue the crew by air. A helicopter will be deployed shortly.

You see, several years ago, when Al Gore predicted that all arctic ice would be melted by the year 2013, he didn’t then know about global warming warming. Since the global warming law cannot be disproven—given that it is indeed a law—when one comes across evidence that runs contrary to the law, one must figure out how piece everything together cohesively. The result of this effort is a modified law called global warming warming.

Global warming warming has the effect of a double negative in mathematics. Warming warming equals cooling. This unforeseen layer of the global warming law is believed to have been missed because of obstruction on the part of global warming deniers. Global warming scientists are in a constant battle against the Hitleresque deniers. It has been shown that nearly half of all research funds have had to be diverted to public awareness campaigns, as well as to Democratic political candidates. Had it not been for the deniers, those funds could have been used properly, leading to the earlier discovery of global warming warming.

As it turns out, warming warming has been happening for nearly two decades. Temperatures have been dropping in recent years, with many record lows being set all over the world, and, as we’ve learned with the expedition, ice has in fact been thickening. Don’t be fooled, however: warming warming is indeed a product of stage one global warming.

The deniers will use this story of the stranded ship to their advantage in order to deceive you. They will claim that global warming is dead, and that we were all fools. But we know the truth. Global warming caused the earth to heat up, which caused ice to melt. The melting ice created cooler oceans, which led to fewer extreme weather events. The less extreme weather led to less rain. Less rain caused drought, meaning there was less water vapor in the air. A lack of water vapor created an environment in which less heat was trapped in our atmosphere, which led to a cooling of the earth. This cooling has frozen the arctic ice once again, thicker than before. It’s that simple.

Global warming warming will continue until it doesn’t, then we will enter stage three of global warming (which is yet to be named). Will it be hot? Will it be cold? I’m not sure, but I do know that it will be caused by mankind’s selfishness, and greenhouse gasses.